I want to say this…I hated this semester. I did not enjoy a single class except my Psychology and that’s one out of four. I guess first semester was too magnificent for this one to go so beautifully. I’m not going to blame anyone for it but I’m not going to blame myself either. I worked my ass off and it looks like I’m going to get straight Cs (if I’m lucky). I don’t want to ever even THINK about this place for the next three or so months. It’s dead to me until Fall 2008.
And such is life.
When I was young, I had dreams
Dreams that I could be anything
An artist
Writer
Superhero
Anything
I am what I am, and I dream what I dream
But I wonder what happened to me…
Dreams are just dreams
An artist
A writer
A superhero
Can I really be anything?
When did hope become a dream?
Can I really believe?
Can I really believe that one day I’ll be happy?
That I’ll find that person that I’ll love until it hurts…
Or will it always be love that hurts me?
That I’ll find myself in the crowd…
Or will I always be lost?
I see into the future and I can never be sure
When I was young, I was sure of my dreams
I could be anything
But…
Dreams are just dreams.
What’s happened to me?
I really don’t have time to be doing these entries…I know I have to for a grade but I don’t know. I have papers to do and a sink-or-swim exam AND work. I’m in a tizzy…but I guess after this week, the FI paper will be out of my hair and I will have to totally spend my entire weekend typing my Psych one. I am getting stressed as the days pass and I’m not really happy with my group of ‘friends’. I still really hope that next year I’ll be comfortable enough with the surroundings of college to make new ones, as awful as that sounds. But I don’t think I should be so often stressed out that I have them as friends…right? Oh well…things weren’t supposed to be like this but I guess we’re not in high school anymore.
“
Man, I could have sworn some rapper did something with that old Isaac Hayes song but I can’t find it…ah well. I am so very stressed out, trying to get through the rest of this semester. Papers on top of papers, exams, ugh. I learned I CAN pass Philosophy, I just need a 95 or better…so I’m going to be studying all this weekend until Thursday so I will KNOW this bull. I don’t ever want to look back. And man, pulling a C would be the sweetest come back ever.
Some other stuff is worth writing about but I’m tired.
This weekend, for all extents, was boring. I went to work for 6 hours Saturday and noticed…I have worked EVERY Saturday except one since I started working though my manager told me I wouldn’t work every Saturday…? I’m also irritated because this is the second time I requested time off…first time, okay, wasn’t enough time. But this time, it was a week and a half notice. There are some cashiers that are only working 10 hours this week so WHY am I STILL getting stuck on weekend? I really wanted to go to the XL102 Chili Cookoff…Puddle of Mudd was one of the first rock bands I liked, but alas, NO.
Saturday started off horrible. I talked to some guy on the phone (no one will pick up the phone. NO ONE. I’m like a secretary, man) and he wanted to know if we had batteries for cameras…the only one we find for the brand, is some odd set of numbers that I read off to him…but he’s like, yelling at me to read him the numbers…read them a second time. Still angry. What. Is. Wrong. With. You? He came in though and found the right one…ugh. Second guy was some jackass doctor who was just getting all pissy for no reason. “I need this invoiced”. I’ll admit, it was my fault for forgetting what that means, but I had him rung up in a matter of seconds. He can spare me a MINUTE to figure out what he’s yelling about, ugh. What he really said that nearly set me off was ‘You need to get someone who knows what to do.’ I don’t have to do anything, bitch. So…I ignored him and figured it out. Took a whole minute. Damn, horrible timing.
But it picked up from there. Nice people replaced those two…I cover my nose piercing with a bandage because it’s huge and our district manager likes dropping in. One woman with an adorable little girl came up and was like, “Do they have you cover your piercings?” and I was like, “Woah, you noticed??” I’d hoped it just looked like a cut…But ah well.
I stayed up until 5 that night, after driving my mom to Wal-mart….I was stressed out over what to do about this Philosophy class. My adviser gave me three options: 1) Medical withdrawal: I will NEVER EVER EVER take this. NEVER. It offends me when someone even suggests it. I am not erasing a whole year of my life, especially for Philosophy. 2) Medical withdrawal from the class: The day I took that test, I was nearly passing out from some ketone issues. So I want this…but I need a note from my doctor by Wednesday…great. 3) Pray I get a D…ha, funny.
I’ll just let fate play out…
So usually I’m pretty creative…7 years of art, three of those art Reflection rewards, etc, etc…I’m probably not the smartest person in the world but if I play dumb it’s because that’s all it is…playing.
But philosophy destroyed me.
Philosophy, to me, is the most abstract linear thing I have ever, ever learned. It’s too broad to be so limited. It’s ridiculous. And I should have known it was nonsense. My ‘favorite’ lesson was doubting the existence of one’s body…but apparently you can’t doubt your hands. So…I can DOUBT the whole rest of my body…but I can’t doubt my hands? Okay…? My friends favorite (we took the class together) is the issue of free will. A philosopher will say ‘there’s no such thing as free will!’ but turn around and ask what you want for lunch…
So in short, it’s dumb as hell.
I’ve ultimately been failing this class…I can think way outside the box but this class pushed so far outside the box I’m pretty sure it was in another universe galaxies far far away. I got an F on the first exam…C on the second, so I was like, hey, I can do this…then I got an F today. I almost cried in class. I can’t believe this…I thought I was improving and the fact that I studied meant nothing? If I study for a class, I expect it to mean SOMETHING! My friend either saw I was distraught or really was feeling lightheaded (that classroom IS hot for some reason…) said we should leave. The teacher had said he had no sympathy for those who left or didn’t come to class and used my friend as an example as we were leaving…it’s a three hour class, what do you expect? Not to mention he got a B…either he’s got the linear thing down or the abstract…or he studied a lot harder, either way.
I’m dropping it. I’m not sure what the penalties are for it but I can’t stand that bullsh!t anymore. It’s not like it’s even required for me…
Music Quote of the Day: “Who waits forever anyway…?”- Queen, Who Wants to Live Forever?
Today was one of those days where you wanted to punch someone in the face for no reason for me…my manager who can’t make a schedule to save his life scheduled me at 4:30 to work…it takes that long to get home from Downtown…so I went to school dressed in uniform. I dont think anyone noticed, however.
I’m sick of school. SO very, very sick. My friend and I, over Coldstone last month, were discussing how Senior year of high school and college melted into one and he brought up that we pretty much went back to school as soon as school ended…which is true. We had maybe a half a month off (our area schools let us out in Juneish, I think? Back in school by August, ugh…but I’m SICK of writing, SICK of having to come to these damn classes, and I just want it to be over. College is not meant to be a picnic but it’s not supposed to be this painful…
On top of that, I had an awful day at work. Nothing went right tonight…at first, I had the most strange, mundane job I’d ever heard…zipping up briefcases. The hell? Who sits around and thinks of these tasks? But yea, that actually took up 2 hours because people kept coming and bothering me. “Where’s this, where’s that” kind of thing…then, I ended up on register.
“Cat” says she hates register. I love it for the fact that I can actually watch the clock and interact with people (not one of her strong points…you could say it’s not one of mine but I do well, actually). But today…first, these two women came in and brought these ink cartridges. We take $3 for empty ink cartridges off your purchase so I did that…one of them got a $50 dollar phone card. It rung up at $38…they left, came back. The woman had called her husband and was like, “He said this cost WAY more than $3.” I rang it up, sure enough, $160 (Man, I’d hate to have that printer). She said it wasn’t empty so I had to do a return…however, turned out, it was for Office Depot…so I wasted at least a good 20 minutes on that. Then the woman called later to say that the phone card hadn’t activated though I DID swipe it. I probably lost us a customer…ugh. Another return, some half-English guy came and was returning something. It was a set deal until I needed to get the expiration date off the card he used…standard procedure, I mean, I’m not going to get much information from the date, right? But no…”Why do you need that for a return?” “So…I can get the money to return to your card.” “But why the expiration date?”. Because I said so, bitch! OMG. What do I get from asking for an expiration date just willy-nilly? Absolutely nothing. And he grudgingly showed me the date. I hate people.
So everything was peachy up until that point…however, counting my drawer, my manager found I was…100 dollars OVER? x.x I didn’t even get that much cash at any point so I don’t know how! The drawer came from a guy who’d already left so my manager called and demanded what was going on…I should have stayed when he asked one of us to stay until he figured out what was going on but I was too tired…I really want to quit. But who knows, maybe they’ll think the money thing is my fault and I’ll be fired. Damn.
Wow, I come back and this place is totally different. But today was cool…I am actually one of those few people that like the rain…but not for four or five days straight, then it just bugs me. Blah…
I worked 8 hours Saturday. It actually wasn’t as painful as I thought and I was beast enough to only take a ten minute break. That Friday, though, my friends and I got together to play Kings…I like that game, it was my first time playing it. And we watched Borat…also my first time. I’m not much on that kind of humor, really, but the thing about the Hummer made me laugh. No, not because of the ‘how many gypsies can I kill?’ but the guy was like, oh, going 35-40 could kill a lot of people. Lol! Hummer’s are such a useless vehicle. They’re for the military, not luxury vehicles, my God. My friend and I went to Carytown once and I parked…getting out of the car, there was like a full two feet between where a normal sized car would be and where I was standing…but when a Hummer came by, I knew if I’d been a half a centimeter closer…but I digress!
Anyway, today…today was boring. I always sleep heavily in this weather so I’ve been taking like 5 hour naps. It’s ridiculous. I woke up and played the Sims 2 for kicks and that’s about all.
But I have two term papers…one, for Psych, has to be 10 pages long! Oh my God. And the one in Focused Inquiry…while I can type out a pretty decent piece of writing in an hour, it was way too rushed with back to back outline to writing a draft. I know times running out but I’m sorry, with as much money as college costs, it CAN’T be a “full-time job” or a lot of us wouldn’t be here. I worked on it on Friday but nonetheless…
I can’t WAIT for this year to be over.
Music Quote of the Day: “And I bet you didn’t know that, Ebony Eyes.”- Rick James, Smokey Robinson
So today, I was sitting in Focused Inquiry and I was thinking, man, I should get a piercing. (Most random thought ever) Though, I’ve been thinking about it for months, just haven’t had the cash. I have a very decent amount in my account though so I was like, what the hey? I texted my VCU friend and I wanted to go before biology because I was babysitting tonight but I decided to just wait so he could go with me. After biology, we met up and went to Enigma. I like this place, I went here to get the tattoo with my friend. The piercers and artist are really nice and cool…which I think is saying something, because the River City people, no matter if they ARE the place to go for such things, they’re just…nonchalant and rude, at least, the four or five times I’ve gone (Wow, I always went, I just never did anything). But yea…
I filled out the paper, gave them $20 (River City is $55. My friend tried to point out that that was with jewelry. Well, Enigma was $40 with jewelry so they still beat the hell out of them) and we went into the back. I was freaking out a bit even though I am quite used to needles being a diabetic and all but then, I don’t shoot myself through the nose. The piercer told me, oh, it’ll just hurt for a second. So he marked where it would go…and like, STABBED me. I almost cried! This was a HUGE needle. I had to clench my eyes shut and when I finally had the endurance to open them, there was this huge needle going all the way through my nose. My friend was like, “Wow, you should keep it like that.” I might have grunted out, ‘ha, right’ or something, I was nearly dying and trying to keep myself from bawling like a baby. But I got through it… my friend said it was probably the first time in forever that he’d seen my expression change. I can imagine, it was probably an interesting look.
I can’t find this sea salt, non-iodized whatever that I need to clean it. I probably should have bought some from Enigma but I was rather impaired with pain as I left. I like it, no matter how much it hurt. And my parents didn’t even freak out as much as I thought they would. Now though…I can’t take it out for 2-3 months. Great…
Music Quote of the Day: “Because it’s always raining in my head…forget all the things I should have said…”- Epiphany, Staind
Today was pretty cool…Tuesdays, I only have Psychology and I love Mr. McCreary. While I’m still not fond of the whole subject, he just makes the class too fun not to enjoy, in my opinion. I had to work today too, only today though because I work EIGHT hours on Saturday. I’m gonna die! But work wasn’t that bad either, which is shocking. Today totally contradicted my in between empty and busy because it was a great pace today where I was preoccupied with something, a customer would come, have to stock a shelf, customer would come. It’s great. I know some people would prefer doing nothing but I like keeping busy. Nothing sucks when it comes to work. We have four manager-like people though, and this one that was working tonight likes to quiz me. Like, he asked Sunday, why did you put (this amount) in your bag…and I was like, “Uh…” and I THOUGHT it was a trick question but really, you always keep a certain amount in the drawer and I got it right, yay! He also asked when a customer bought a bag if I checked it thoroughly THEN what the process was called…I tried to list out the whole thing but he just wanted the abbreviation which is LISA…Look Inside…Some…………Applications. I have a weird tendency to do that, trying to come up with what abbreviations may mean. I’m just silly…but at least the first two words are right. I can’t wait for next week though…I get paid!
Music Quote of the Day: “I got my spine I got my orange crush.”- REM, Orange Crush
